Who says? You? Oh.... you!! That’s right, you know.....

Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Who says? You? Oh.... you!! That’s right, you know.....
Current mood: weird
I’ve had a lot of time to think lately. And frankly, I haven’t used that time properly. It hasn’t been good thoughts, I mean like happy thoughts. Well, not even that. I guess I just have weird things on my mind. I’ve been thinking about how things have slowed down for me. I am in the hurry up and wait process. But, I don’t feel like I have had to go through, physically, what some have. All I had was surgery. Now, if I hadn’t had the major surgery, I would have had to go through radiation and chemo. But why do I feel like it’s just another surgery? It’s not, I have no breasts. None. No nipple, no areola. Nothing. My stomach sticks out further than my chest for the first time since puberty. And as a women that sucks. It was more than "just surgery". It was a DOUBLE MASTECTOMY!! But I read about what other women have and are going through and I don’t feel like I have had the same thing. Is it me or do they want more attention with it. Or are they really having that much of a problem. Now, I know that people have different ways of dealing with things. But why do some people need that kind of attention. Am I aloud to say that about people that are going through the same thing I am? Are they going through the same thing I am? I mean, really. Am I being to tough, or are they being to pathetic? Is that harsh? I just don’t understand why sometimes people don’t put themselves in other peoples shoes. Do I really deserve to out and out ask for support from people that have their own lives and families. Especially when I KNOW I am doing fine. I just feel like I am not giving the same reactions about this as some. Maybe I’m just way to ready to move on from this. Was I needing the sympathy or uplifting in the beginning and I just don’t remember asking for it so much? I’m confused and I’m sure I’ve confused you too. What happens when people start to think those that are asking for too much are crying wolf? What do they do then? Are they crying wolf? Again, am I being to harsh? Trust me, I do wish there was an easier way to get through this without freakin’ out and needing to be sedated. Or heavily medicated. I just don’t understand what makes them so much worse off. They are alive and kickin’. Aren’t they? I guess I have no room to talk being I haven’t and thankfully won’t have to go through radiation or chemotherapy. But does that make me "less" of a survivor? That doesn’t even make any sense. But just because I feel like it’s just another surgery, am I supposed to keep it on the down low that I am still a breast cancer survivor? Or am I aloud to shout it from the roof tops? Even though I haven’t suffered through all the medications for cancer treatment? Is that fair? I know I have "made it through" a lot in my life of 32 years, and I know that I have a great outlook on what my future "WILL" entail. Why can’t everyone else be that same way? I know they may not be as "strong" as I am, but why don’t they try to be. I just can’t imagine feeling like that. I am blessed to have the spirit I have to get through so much in my life. I hope that I can pass that on to my girls and spread it to my friends and family. You know, I guess I know what I’m talking about....... is that all that matters?

Out on the town.....I don’t think so .....

Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Out on the town.....I don’t think so .....
Current mood: contemplative
This week is spring break and apparently my doctor’s office gets it too. So no injections today. Which sucks cuz now I will be adding a week on the end. DANG! I am so impatient with this, it’s giving me a headache. This weekend is the Banquet for Raymond’s work and it is semi formal. Right. I have to get in a fancy dress. I’m gonna wear a trench coat. Just kidding. I am a little nervous about going to this. Not everyone at his work place knows about me and they shouldn’t. But....As some of you may have seen pics of the last year, Raymond has to be the best dressed. Well, this year, not so much....I’m not ready for that. He has been pretty good about it. It’s probably been hard for him though. Love you! Anyway, this weekend is also Easter, as you all know, so I have that on top of this stupid crap. I will take pictures. I just can’t decide what dress I am going to wear. And should I use my forms or not. I am a AA cup after all!!

We are here to "pump you up"!!!

Wednesday, March 05, 2008
We are here to "pump you up"!!!
Current mood: determined
Ha. If only it were that easy. It sure takes longer than that. I have 10 more weeks to go before I'm at my minimum. GEEEZZZZZ!!!!!! I felt a bit more pressure this time on the right side, but I think I flinched when she stuck the needle in. I can actually cup them now!! That's exciting.....I know, you wanted to know that.....any how, so far so good!! Yahoooooo!!!!

No time to complain....

Monday, March 03, 2008
No time to complain....
Current mood: frustrated
Well, why not?? Yesterday was a long day for me. I just didn't want to get out of bed. I slept most of the day. I stayed home from church. I didn't go to a dinner party we were invited to. And Raymond was mad at me. Oh wait, not mad, "frustrated". Whatever!! I am not allowed to have a day where I just veg out. He said I need to get on different meds or change the dosage. Funny how he knows what I need to do. It's my body and my mind and I don't even know what to do. See, this is why I tell people you can't know what someone is going through unless you have experienced it yourself, all you can do is support that person in their struggles. Ok, again, my husband wasn't listening when I said that. Anyway, I've come to the conclusion that I AM allowed to take one day out of I don't know how many and sleep all day, and not get dressed, just stay in my jammies. This is my way of theraputic healling for me. Ha! I don't like to be like that, but it's nice to know that it's ok if those days do happen. Whata jerk. Not a good time to be that way....
Now, things are good. I've gotten up and went to the school today and volunteered, oh and things are great for him. But he won't say anything like "I'M SORRY Kimberly for not being a little more sympathetic", oh no, we won't hear that. And if we do, oh you know I will be posting that!!!!