Why Her?

As sad as it is, a celebrity annouced her battle with breast cancer. They - being the media - made this story and this anouncement a big deal because it is a celebrity. Not that it is not a big deal that anyone is diagnosed with breast cancer. But why do they announce it like it's much more sad that a celebrity gets diagnosed than an "average" soccer mom, or grandmother with 50 grandchildren?? Is it because they are willing to be an advocate for a cure? Is it because they can convince people to get in a get a mammogram? Is it because this celebrity has a story that everyone can relate to?? Well, SO DO I!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am willing to be an advocate...oh wait...I am. I am an ambassador for the Arizona Breast Cancer 3 Day. But you know what? The local (Arizona) media isn't interested cuz I'm not an illegal immagrant, my house isn't in foreclosure, and my story doesn't have anything negative.

I can convince women to get a mammogram at any age!! In fact I have! Many of my friends and family have done just that, gotten a mammogram. Thank goodness.

I have a story that is worth listening to. I was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 32. I have two young daughters that have to be aware of their chances at an even younger age than I was when I was aware. 21.

Why didn't they announce to the world that I had been diagnosed with breast cancer? Why didn't they make it a big deal and swarm my house with cameras and reporters? Why don't they do that for every women that is diagnosed with breast cancer?

I do realize that if they didn't announce that anyone had breast cancer no one would know anything about breast cancer.

I do want to know everything we - the world - will get out of knowing that that celebrity has breast cancer. She may be an advocate for breast cancer awareness, but I never knew that. Maybe just those in California's Hollywood scene new that. Why didn't they announce that to the world? They announced that she has breast cancer!!

Just wondering - why her?

Give it time to heal...who said that?

Saturday, July 19, 2008
Give it time to heal...who said that?
Current mood: blah
Right.....
I am a mother of two young daughters...thankfully can do things on their own, except drive. Legally.....
I have a husband who is always on the go......somewhere....
I have two beagles that beg for attention...constantly...
I have commitments to school and church....faithfully.....
I have tried to be a listening ear... a shoulder to cry on.....a hand to hold....
Oh wait, hold on....I have a text message......see, I'm busy!
Who said I had to give it time to heal? I don't have that kind of time. You know, I have had 4 surgeries in the last year. My dr said I have been exposed to too much anesthesia. That's why I can't sleep, with out helusinations. I'm cranky, ha, well, ..... I'm tired. I'm bored. I can't do anything. I can't even swim. It's hot here. Raise your hand if you are sure that Arizona is hell on earth in the summer??!! Anyone, oh good, everyone.
I was able to take the bandages off on Sunday (last) and they look good. A little too small. You know I have the largest size implant made that is approved by the FDA. 800cc. In a women with breast tissue that would be like larger than Dolly Parton. Not kidding. I have no breast tissue. I am not even a full b cup. So discouraging. I just am a big girl that has small boobs. Now, I have NEVER had small boobs, so forgive me for complaining about it. They are soft as pillows though. Nice.... And they move. I have to massage them around so that they "settle properly". Right. Nope, that's my job. Raymond CANNOT TOUCH THEM. Just cuz I said. They are BERY BERY tender.
So in about 3 months I will be able to start the reconstruction of the nipple. Problem is, in 3 months it's just before the 3 Day and I have commited to that. So it will probably be the week before Thanksgiving that I get my "nips" back. hehe...
THEN.....they tattoo. I don't know how long after that, but they tattoo. Yep. Long haul. I'm not alone, I know. I have been supported by TONS and TONS of hearts!!
I have about 40 lbs to lose. All that I have gained back since my surgery in Dec. Sucks, I really haven't been able to physically do anything. Walking. But it's toooooooooo hot.
So, starting tomorrow, oh who am I kidding....??...... I don't have the energy to start anything, not even the day.
Oh, I guess I will just give it time to heal.......... &$&( *
Right......

Just not the same....thank goodness

Sunday, July 13, 2008
Just not the same....thank goodness
Current mood: excited
Surgery went well, I guess. I don't remember. Ha. BUT I do know that I went in with rocks and came out with pillows!! They move, they don't hurt, of course I'm still on meds, but....the pain is from surgery not just cuz... I get to take the bandages off today and then can't wear a bra for 30 DAYS!! Weird. It's cool though, I won't be going anywhere that I would need a bra on anyway, hahahahaha!!
Just short and sweet today. I am still a little tired. Don't get the best sleep yet. I'll keep ya posted!! Kisses

So, funny story...

Thursday, July 10, 2008
So, funny story...
Current mood: strong
Or maybe it's not so funny....at least it wasn't in the beginning.... it can be laughed at now. Or made fun of, or joked about. But you know, I'm one of the fortunate ones that has that opportunity. Every once in a while, I will run into a friend that I haven't seen or heard from in a long time and I have to relive my story because they hadn't heard about my diagnoses or they hadn't heard it from me. It's harder than it sounds, to just be able to talk to people about what has happened in your life, when it comes to a life changing and life altering situations. I honestly have to say I have benefitted from telling my "story" every time I tell it. I think about friends of mine that have gone through different treatments and followed different advice, but it all comes back to this: I have cried my eyes out, I have poured my heart out, I have prayed my voice out, I have screamed my head off, I have slept my days away, I have stayed awake all night, I have even zoned out, all for what has happened to me in the last couple years of my life, and all that has happened in one day. But what I know, if anything at all is that I have learned to cry for the right reasons, I have learned to share my love for others, I have learned I can pray for anything, I have learned that dreaming is refreshing, I have learned that I don't want to miss a thing, and I have learned to focus and all the little things. I have learned all of this because I have shared my "story". Now, I want to share my story to help others learn. It's amazing how miracles can come from sheer devastation. I have surgery on Friday, July 11. The expanders will be coming out and I will FINALLY get the implants. I am so uncomfortable. I will have some surgery pain and then, and then, yep.............and then I will be as "normal" as the rest of them. Who, you ask? As "normal" as who? Well, me. Me.

An update...finally...I know....

Monday, June 16, 2008
An update...finally...I know....
Current mood: giddy
It's been a LONG time since I last updated my blog. Sad but true. I have been getting my injections on schedule every Weds morning at 830am. I hate them. Well, I HATED them!! Yes that means that I have had my LAST injection and there are no more! Whoo Hoo. Unless you are having this same treatment, you don't know the pain. And, if you haven't had a previous breast reduction with scar tissue across your chest, you don't even know that pain. The scar tissue tears every time I have injections. All that on top of having the muscle and skin stretched to the limit once a week. MAN, does that hurt!! My last injection was Thursday and I still hurt. Sleeping is the worst. I find a comfortable spot, hope that it will work, get this close to falling asleep and BAM!! One little twitch and the comfort spot is long gone. I can't lay on my side, it's like the rocks won't move. No budging!! If I do end up falling alseep, once I wake up it hurts to move. It's like the pain starts all over. Every morning it's that way. I even prop myself up with pillows - until it's uncomfortable - which isn't for long. BUT....I only have to go through this for a few more weeks and then...YES.. i have never been more excited for surgery. I was excited for my breast reduction. But NOW....I'm excite for my breast augementation! HA! If you gotta look at it in a positive way...my insurance paid for them both!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wanted the reduction. I never wanted an augementation. And I sure as hell didn't want it this way. But, OOOOOHHHHhhhh, Raymond is excited. I'm not sure what for......there not his.
ANYWAY!! Surgery is July 11. And I should only be down for 4 weeks. Or less. Let's pray for less. I have had enough of this!! Nipple reconstruction can't be done for at least 3 MONTHS after this surgery. So, that will probably not be until after the first of the year. I've had surgery before the holidays and it was awful. Not gonna do that again unless it's an emergency!!!
So we will get through my birthday and Karley's birthday. 4th of July. We have planned our summer vacation to Disneyland for next week. AND then I will have surgery. You have to understand how mixed my emotions are. I want it done. But it's surgery. Even though I have had enough surgeries in my life, I don't want to do it again, just cuz. Hopefully this discomfort will subside enough to get through until surgery and then hopefully that pain will be short term. Ha, wishful thinkin'!!
So here's to the final stages! Second to last stage anyway. Thank God!!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Finally some action.....sorta
Current mood: weird
Last week was my 12th week of injections. I know, looking back at it, is seems like it went fast, but it hasn't....trust me....
Anyway, so now I have my 650 shot on Thursday. Which at the same time I will finally see the Dr after all this time. Anyway, Veronica says I have met my first goal of 650cc's. So I will have a better idea on when I will have surgery again. I will have the expanders removed and "REAL" implants put in. Then after that I have reconstuctive surgery. I just don't know when all this will happen. I just have to prepare myself for good or bad news. I don't know what will happen, I just know that I am so sore and have at least 4 more treatments left. HOLY!! I'll report back on that too.....

RE: I know.....

Monday, April 28, 2008
RE: I know.....
Current mood: content
I agree in some ways with Liz, if they don't know what has been happening in your or my life, the idea of saying something "off the wall" is forgivable. Now for those that see you on a daily bases. Those that know you well, (so you think). Those that you trust your kids with. My husband with the wife, or vice versa. There is a certain "shame" that they should live with. I have never been more offended by remarks that have no meaning other than to be misleading. Without going into details of what actually was said, I have more remorse for women (and men) that cannot afford services from doctors and clinics because of financial situations. Now, I am a fortunate soul that has the insurance and funding that can be used and has been used to pay for certain services that I need for my disease. But, I also know people who have "had" to be the beneficiary of organizations that collect monies to help these people in need. I have DONATED to these organizations, even prior to having this certain disease. But some people do not see both sides of every story. Even after they have read the ENTIRE book. What's worse is when they turn it into a sob story about why they don't get the same treatment for "NOT" being diagnosed. Liz, I do agree with what you are saying. Sometimes people just don't want to understand. If it is not a part of their lives or families lives, they do not (in so many words) care. Only because they haven't had too. I'm sure people go home at night and wish they hadn't done something, but..... doing it and wishing they hadn't is different from doing it and apologizing for it. I know. Been there, done that.

Ok my dear, There are times when stupidity flows thru the mind and rolls off the tongue. This past weekend in Key West a person from my past showed up to visit for a few. She knew nothing of my last 8 years, nor was I to share. bridges were created in that time lapse. " ohhh I love YOUR PERKY BOOB JOB. At 1rst I thought how **** insensitive of you, but then my heart turned, He opened my eyes to realize that the fear of being affected causes stoop mouth ( my rendition of running off ). She shared she was in touch w/ my ex- and she had "heard " I had something but was unclear ( goooo EX) I hugged her, forgave her & joked, "yeah, mine are perky, but yours have nipples."Forgive the Offense, and you will forgive the Offender. It is very hard, and lip bleeding at times, however I spoke of this to you before, Human Nature,fears not being able to fix those that are broken. Give it up to God EVERY day, He will ease your affliction, and turn their hearts to be receptive to your words of educating those whose ears will embrace. It is a long road we travel, and He puts boulders before us to move, yet we are guided to forge paths off the road to leave trails of wisdom, and promise.He chose US at this time in our lives to stand up for our purpose. Listen to Him, He will never forsake you.A Love that only we could share.... A TIT4TAT.LizBet
Posted by lizbet on Apr 28, 2008 6:39 PM

All I can say is a big AMEN!! I agree, I think they feel for some reason like the just HAVE to say SOMETHING. Unfortunately, what comes out of their mouths ends up sounding hurtful and stupid. I'd much rather you say nothing at all, then something that's going to leave a sour taste in my mouth for the rest of my life.
Posted by Kristy on Apr 28, 2008 5:55 PM

hmmm I think sometimes people feel they need to say something..and they dont know what to say and they say what ever comes to there mind..and sometimes that can be the most insensative thing known to man. When my sister passed some people said the strangest things..some were hurtful..I know they didnt attend for them to be..but, like you said they just didnt know.."they werent educated". Unless you have walked in someones foot steps you just dont know..but, even if you havent been there...you can ask...me personally, I am all ready to tell you exactly what I think..good and bad! And, if you listen you just may learn something..something you can carry with you. I always say compassion is a gift in itself! Great blog Kimmie! Love ya!Love,Me :)xoxo
Posted by Sara♥John:3:16-18 * BC SISTERS ROCK! on Apr 28, 2008 5:25 PM

I know.....

I know.....
Current mood: impatient
As my days have gone by, I have had time to think about a few (really a lot) things. I have friends and family that are compassionate and loving. And I have friends and family that just don't get it. I feel for them. You know, 4 years ago. Raymond was in an accident at work that could have ruined his career. He was in an accident that left him with a broken leg. The dr's had said that they may not be able to fix it. That they may have to amputate his leg. Now the idea of that is horrifying. The pain he was going through was ridiculous. I do not know how he could have gotten through those days. I do not know the pain that he went through for 7 days in the hospital. He had pain that I had never experienced before. I have never broken a bone in my life (knock on wood). I do not know that pain. The same goes for people who have not had a life threatening disease. No matter what stage. No matter what degree. You just don't understand it if you have been affected by it. So for those people, please get yourself educated before you say things that are unneccesary. I have been involved in educating people on the disease that I have had because is has affected my aunt, which inturn affected my mom. I did this before "I" was affected by it. Now, I have been touched by it in all ways.

For time to come.....

Wednesday, April 23, 2008
For time to come.....
Current mood: touched
It's been 8 weeks since I started injections and now it's just hurting...I'm sore. I'm uncomfortable...I feel lazy lately....but..... I'm happy. I don't know if you have watched the video, but this last weekend, I was asked to share my "story" with a group of people who donated to the Susan G. Komen organization in Orange County, CA. I shared a bit of my story and then thanked them for something they may not know they had done. I am alive today because people like them who donated to this organization to help promote healthy living for men AND women. These funds help researchers progress in the cure for this cancer. It also goes in to grants that patients recieve to help them get medical care that they otherwise wouldn't receive. It's important to know that it is hard to make a co-pay every week at $40 a whack. That's my co-pay for a specialist. I am blessed to have a husband that makes a decent wage and HAS INSURANCE!! I am also blessed to have been treated by a doctor that has a heart as big as his wallet. He is not charging me my co-pay. How wonderful is that??!! I have SIXTEEN weeks of injections. That's a lot of money!! Anyway, I appreciate everyone's love and support. Lord knows I need it!! I look forward to spreading my hopes and dreams to others that are willing to hear them. I am glad you have listened. Love you......

Again, ..... that was a close one....I think....

Saturday, April 05, 2008
Again, ..... that was a close one....I think....
Current mood: artistic
So, I had a bit of a scare this last week. I ultimately had to have a colonoscopy and endoscopy because of some unexplained bleeding. Ya know, with breast cancer comes ovarian cancer - I don’t have those- and colon cancer. Which my Aunt has been dealing with for the last 2 years. She’s a survivor for sure. Anyway, dr says things are all clear, no nothing. NADA~ except a hiatal hernia ~ which can be fixed.....by me!! YAY!! No surgery. I just can’t have dairy for 6 weeks - sucks - that’s how I’ve been getting my calcium cuz I always forget to take my calcium pills. Anyway, I am once again blessed to be watched over. I have to back in 5 years to have another exam. They wouldn’t be able to find anything for 5 years anyway. So once again I just have to keep up on my health reports and get in better healthy condition. Which shouldn’t be too hard - We are training for the Breast Cancer 3 Day! Okay so that is where we stand. No worries,.....I will be alright. I have YOU!!!

Not Ready Not Ready Not Ready.....yet..

Thursday, April 03, 2008
Not Ready Not Ready Not Ready.....yet..
Current mood: exhausted
Got my 6th injection yesterday. I am sore. I feel it most this time under my arms. Sleeping is impossible cuz I am uncomfortable. I really have been so tired lately. I am getting enough hours of sleep but not as comfortable sleep as I need. I have to get up a few times in the night to get comfortable. I have my own "other" things that stress me out so that probably doesn’t help. My days are even restless. Naps are out, Raymond calls me too much. I thought he was busy at work. Hmmm... It’s 9am, I need to take a nap. We’ll see if it can happen. I’ll check back........later.....

Who says? You? Oh.... you!! That’s right, you know.....

Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Who says? You? Oh.... you!! That’s right, you know.....
Current mood: weird
I’ve had a lot of time to think lately. And frankly, I haven’t used that time properly. It hasn’t been good thoughts, I mean like happy thoughts. Well, not even that. I guess I just have weird things on my mind. I’ve been thinking about how things have slowed down for me. I am in the hurry up and wait process. But, I don’t feel like I have had to go through, physically, what some have. All I had was surgery. Now, if I hadn’t had the major surgery, I would have had to go through radiation and chemo. But why do I feel like it’s just another surgery? It’s not, I have no breasts. None. No nipple, no areola. Nothing. My stomach sticks out further than my chest for the first time since puberty. And as a women that sucks. It was more than "just surgery". It was a DOUBLE MASTECTOMY!! But I read about what other women have and are going through and I don’t feel like I have had the same thing. Is it me or do they want more attention with it. Or are they really having that much of a problem. Now, I know that people have different ways of dealing with things. But why do some people need that kind of attention. Am I aloud to say that about people that are going through the same thing I am? Are they going through the same thing I am? I mean, really. Am I being to tough, or are they being to pathetic? Is that harsh? I just don’t understand why sometimes people don’t put themselves in other peoples shoes. Do I really deserve to out and out ask for support from people that have their own lives and families. Especially when I KNOW I am doing fine. I just feel like I am not giving the same reactions about this as some. Maybe I’m just way to ready to move on from this. Was I needing the sympathy or uplifting in the beginning and I just don’t remember asking for it so much? I’m confused and I’m sure I’ve confused you too. What happens when people start to think those that are asking for too much are crying wolf? What do they do then? Are they crying wolf? Again, am I being to harsh? Trust me, I do wish there was an easier way to get through this without freakin’ out and needing to be sedated. Or heavily medicated. I just don’t understand what makes them so much worse off. They are alive and kickin’. Aren’t they? I guess I have no room to talk being I haven’t and thankfully won’t have to go through radiation or chemotherapy. But does that make me "less" of a survivor? That doesn’t even make any sense. But just because I feel like it’s just another surgery, am I supposed to keep it on the down low that I am still a breast cancer survivor? Or am I aloud to shout it from the roof tops? Even though I haven’t suffered through all the medications for cancer treatment? Is that fair? I know I have "made it through" a lot in my life of 32 years, and I know that I have a great outlook on what my future "WILL" entail. Why can’t everyone else be that same way? I know they may not be as "strong" as I am, but why don’t they try to be. I just can’t imagine feeling like that. I am blessed to have the spirit I have to get through so much in my life. I hope that I can pass that on to my girls and spread it to my friends and family. You know, I guess I know what I’m talking about....... is that all that matters?

Out on the town.....I don’t think so .....

Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Out on the town.....I don’t think so .....
Current mood: contemplative
This week is spring break and apparently my doctor’s office gets it too. So no injections today. Which sucks cuz now I will be adding a week on the end. DANG! I am so impatient with this, it’s giving me a headache. This weekend is the Banquet for Raymond’s work and it is semi formal. Right. I have to get in a fancy dress. I’m gonna wear a trench coat. Just kidding. I am a little nervous about going to this. Not everyone at his work place knows about me and they shouldn’t. But....As some of you may have seen pics of the last year, Raymond has to be the best dressed. Well, this year, not so much....I’m not ready for that. He has been pretty good about it. It’s probably been hard for him though. Love you! Anyway, this weekend is also Easter, as you all know, so I have that on top of this stupid crap. I will take pictures. I just can’t decide what dress I am going to wear. And should I use my forms or not. I am a AA cup after all!!

We are here to "pump you up"!!!

Wednesday, March 05, 2008
We are here to "pump you up"!!!
Current mood: determined
Ha. If only it were that easy. It sure takes longer than that. I have 10 more weeks to go before I'm at my minimum. GEEEZZZZZ!!!!!! I felt a bit more pressure this time on the right side, but I think I flinched when she stuck the needle in. I can actually cup them now!! That's exciting.....I know, you wanted to know that.....any how, so far so good!! Yahoooooo!!!!

No time to complain....

Monday, March 03, 2008
No time to complain....
Current mood: frustrated
Well, why not?? Yesterday was a long day for me. I just didn't want to get out of bed. I slept most of the day. I stayed home from church. I didn't go to a dinner party we were invited to. And Raymond was mad at me. Oh wait, not mad, "frustrated". Whatever!! I am not allowed to have a day where I just veg out. He said I need to get on different meds or change the dosage. Funny how he knows what I need to do. It's my body and my mind and I don't even know what to do. See, this is why I tell people you can't know what someone is going through unless you have experienced it yourself, all you can do is support that person in their struggles. Ok, again, my husband wasn't listening when I said that. Anyway, I've come to the conclusion that I AM allowed to take one day out of I don't know how many and sleep all day, and not get dressed, just stay in my jammies. This is my way of theraputic healling for me. Ha! I don't like to be like that, but it's nice to know that it's ok if those days do happen. Whata jerk. Not a good time to be that way....
Now, things are good. I've gotten up and went to the school today and volunteered, oh and things are great for him. But he won't say anything like "I'M SORRY Kimberly for not being a little more sympathetic", oh no, we won't hear that. And if we do, oh you know I will be posting that!!!!

Ok, Ok ...not what I thought....again....

Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Ok, Ok ...not what I thought....again....
Current mood: animated
I'm on a regular schedule of injections now and I actually have a bit of a cleavage. Veronica told me today that I will be going at least, AT LEAST 13 weeks. I am only going to have 50cc's each week, dr's orders. The only bummer right now is driving over to the office. Traffic sucks. It's downtown. 2nd St and Osborne. For those of you that know what that means, it's crazy to get down there!!
This time with the injection, I did feel a bit of pressure and I'm sure I could taste the saline. I always taste it when I have an IV put in. Gross. I'm sure I will be feeling a lot more later on down the road.

Whoa, what was that?

Thursday, February 21, 2008
Whoa, what was that?
Current mood: weird
So, yep, had that dr's appt today. As I go in dreading every second I have to wait for him to come in the room, I swear I'm going to have a panic attack on the spot. I really worked myself up for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! Whoa! What was that? Geezzzzz, I didn't even feel the prick. The nurse, Veronica, put 50cc on each side. That's 2 oz. That's a 1/4 cup of fluid. Didn't feel a dang thing. Until....I got in the car and noticed that the seatbelt fit a little bit different across my chest. They are getting there girls. The girls are on their way back. And we'll all be singin' "She'll be comin' 'round the MOUNTAINS when she comes"!!!! AAHHAAAAAAA! LOL! Actually, I'm thinking pebbles right now. Strangely, I think I can feel a difference on my sides. Like, the little balloon has been aired up just enough to not have any slack in it.
So I had to set up an appointment for next week. On the card she writes: Weds. @ 830 am Weekly. Nothing else. No dates. I guess I go untill I can't take it any more. At this rate, I'll be goin' to the dr for a long, long, long, time. Or more! Geezzzz!!

Ever have one of those days.......????

Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Ever have one of those days......??
Current mood: exhausted
When I got up this morning, I could not keep my eyes open. I just wanted to go back to sleep. Well, I had to get the girls to school, which they were actually on time today, and they were able to get breakfast. Then I committed to taking my mother-in-law to her physical therapy session, so I thought, oh that will wake me up. Getting out of the house and doing something. No, I just wanted to sleep on her couch. Then when I got home, a friend came over and we visited for about an hour. THEN....it was time to go pick up the girls. And here I am. Dinner will need to be made. Then Idol is on. Then the news. Then I will really be tired. Then I will go to bed ..... and toss and turn all friggin' night!!!! AAAAHHHHH!!! I believe I have insomnia. I am just so sleepy.Ever have one of those days???

I already have problems....issues.... BLISTERS!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I already have problems...issues...BLISTERS!
Current mood: content
Ok, as you may have read before, Raymond and I have registered to walk to the Breast Cancer 3 Day. Because I have some other challenges a head, I have decided that it is important to start training for the walk now. We have to walk 20 miles a day for 3 days. We walked around 3 miles yesterday and I already have blisters on my feet.. Is that ridiculous or what?? I knew it was going to happen and it did. Raymond bought me some socks that are "blister free" for cross trainers. Hopefully those will work.
If you are interested in joining our team, which would be so awesome!!, just click the team link on the blog entry "My 3 Day Journey". If you are interested in helping with donations, you can do that too. I appreciate even a motivational talk. I need that!! Either way, I still love you!!
Thank you!

My 3 Day Journey

Monday, February 18, 2008
My 3 Day Journey.... Current mood: blessed

This year, I'll be participating in a very special event called the Breast Cancer 3-Day.I'll walk 60 miles over the course of three days with thousands of other women and men. The net proceeds will support breast cancer research, education, screening and treatment through Susan G. Komen for the Cure and the National Philanthropic Trust Breast Cancer Fund.I've agreed to raise at least $2,200 in donations. I've set my personal goal at $3,200.00. So I need your help. Would you please consider making a donation? Keep in mind how far I'm walking - and how hard I'll have to train. You can give online at www.The3Day.org. Just follow the link below to visit my personal fundraising webpage and make a donation. You can also call 800.996.3DAY to donate over the phone.I am walking in the Breast Cancer 3-Day because I want other women to know that it is possible to fight this battle of breast cancer with early detection. I am 32 years old and I AM a breast cancer survivor. The fact that I was and am aware of my family history with breast cancer that I needed to have mammograms early in life. I didn't detect the cancer on my own. Today's technology is what saved me from going any further with this disease. Because the mammogram found a slight spot, my doctors had me tested. And there you have it, at 32 years old, I was in the first stages of breast cancer. Because I was educated on how this disease can affect my life, I was able to make a life changing, life saving decision before it got the best of me. I know I am blessed to have been born in this day and age to have access to modern technology. It is here. I used it. It saved my life. Early detection saved my life. And being educated early in life to know that the chances are there for me to get breast cancer. I'm using that knowledge to share it with other women and to help raise money to educate women in the fight against breast cancer.According to Susan G. Komen for the Cure, approximately 200,000 American women will be diagnosed with breast cancer this year, and nearly 40,000 will die from the disease. That's why I'm walking so far. To do something bold about breast cancer. I hope that you'll share this incredible adventure with me - by supporting me in my fundraising efforts.Thank you in advance for your generosity!Sincerely,Kimberly
Click here to visit my personal page.If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:http://08.the3day.org/site/TR/Walk/ArizonaEvent?px=1574469&pg=personal&fr_id=1180&s_tafId=40961
Click here to view the team page for Cuz I Love HerIf the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:http://08.the3day.org/site/TR/Walk/ArizonaEvent?team_id=27310&pg=team&fr_id=1180&s_tafId=40961


For more information about the Breast Cancer 3-Day, Susan G. Komen for the Cure or the National Philanthropic Trust Breast Cancer Fund, visit http://www.the3day.org/ or call 800.996.3DAY.








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Wow what a difference a day makes.....or does it?

Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Wow what a difference a day makes....or does it?
Current mood: happy
Making this a goal? Not so much. Ok, I slept last night without sleeping pills. But, I didn't go to sleep until 1 am. Now, I got up at 645 to get the girls up with no problems. I actually feel refreshed and good. I had to pick up some stuff before the cleaning lady gets here and I did that with out complaing, to myself.
Gettin' a little nervous about next week. I am excited at the same time. I can't wait.
PS. I SET UP MY PRINTER!!!! THANK YOU DAD!!(and Mom)

Tough guy huh?

Sunday, February 10, 2008
Tough guy huh?
Current mood: chipper
Ok, so I cleaned upstairs and moved the twin bed that was downstairs up there. Not by myself, Karley helped me. And Raymond helped move the pillows. Just kidding, he moved the frame to the bed. I vacuumed up there and cleared out the crap!! It looks good. My mom can stay on the twin now instead of on the floor. I felt good after doing that too. Not to sore. It was a workout going up and down the stairs though. Got my blood pumpin'. I need that. I think that I am going to go for a walk in the morning after I drop the girls off at school. The days have been nice. I should take advantage of that. After my walk I have to arrange my office area so that I can set up my printer that my mom and dad gave me for Christmas. I have yet to put it together. I will tomorrow. That way, everything will be in place when the cleaning lady comes!! Yea for the cleaning lady....Diana!!

On the up and up.......sorta....

Wednesday, February 06, 2008
On the up and up....sorta...
Current mood: focused
So the new medication I am taking for the hot flashes is WORKING!!!! But, I'm telling you, if I miss it, it's all over. Or I have to start over. They come back so bad. But, I have been good and keep taking them. They are one medication I am dependant on. Love them...
I have been sleeping a little better. Not a ton, but better. I can sleep on my side, finally. No pain meds, but half dosage of sleeping meds. I am trying to ween myself off the sleeping stuff.
So, we are on the up and up on getting things back in order!! Yea!!

Is it bedtime yet?

Monday, February 04, 2008
Is it bedtime yet?
Current mood: blah
I just feel like I can't get enough sleep. I am so tired. And granted, I haven't made any effort to do get up and doing anything. I don't want to. I hope this ends soon. Unfortunately, I have been through this before. Maybe I am still going through this....who knows. It doesn't help that the weather is gloomy. Although, I love the rainy weather. We don't get enough of it. It is a perfect jammie day!!
This is annoying. I can't concentrate. I feel like I just zone out at any time.
Is this what we call lazy?? I'm just tired. Is it bedtime yet?

You know you wanted.....

Saturday, February 02, 2008
You know you wanted....
Current mood: cranky
You know you wanted to know this......So this whole time I have had to put neosporin on my "wounds" and make sure that they are moist so there is no scab. Nice, I know.. NOW, he says no more neosporin and just put lotion on them.....Lotion? What? Yeah, any kind too. Hand lotion, body lotion...what ever....twice a day. Ok, so I've done as he has said to do and now.... I HAVE A SCAB!!!! TWO!!! Go figure. Ok, so they hurt. My Frankenboobs hurt!! Not my real boobs, just the Franken ones. Ha! I swear! I guess they will look nice when this is over. In OCTOBER! Did I tell you I was tired of this???

Well, ok then..........

Thursday, January 31, 2008
Well, ok then.....
Current mood: selective
Yep, that's what I said.....it's ok....then.....
Had my dr's appt. today. I have mixed emotions. He said that my left side is completely healed. He said the right side is very close. And he said I don't have to put bandages on anymore!! Now that's all exciting...very!!!! The other part is, he said now I will start feeling the pain all over again. With the injections, and movement of the expanders. I go back in 3 weeks. THREE WEEKS!!! THAT"S AWESOME!!
So I talked to Veronica, the nurse that does the injections. She said that we will start in 3 weeks (Feb 21, 2008) doing injections of 100 cc's. She said that would be better to start with the larger amount because I still have numbness and I will feel better once there is some inflation of the expanders. But, then she said, the closer to the end of injections is when it will hurt. She said we will see how my "skin" is before we continue to do 100 cc's. That way if we do the 100 cc's, then it won't take as long to do ALL the injections. It's a long process and it will be subject to change. AND... after we are done with the injections, it will be 3 weeks and then surgery again.
One thing that stinks about this.... after March 5, I have to start paying my co-pays again. That $40 a week for as long as I do injections!!! Holy.....$$$$. I know I'll meet my deductable again this year. Ha!
I'm just glad I have insurance.

Whoa! That was close.....I almost lost it.....

Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Whoa! That was close.....I almost lost it.....
Current mood: good
What a better morning....so far....well it's after noon now, so the morning was good!! Now I have to get through the afternoon and evening.
I have been just feeling blah. I don't have much energy today. I just don't feel like it. I physically feel fine. It's how I feel emotionally. I really have no emotion. It's not scary, it's weird. I should get out and do something...I don't feel like it. This can't last forever, right? I guess I have to take it slow like everyone says. I guess I have to rest....a lot....like everyone says. I want to blame this feeling on something else, like the weather, rather than my meds or my condition. I'm tired of this.....how many times have I said that??? Too many.
Well, I do feel better. Today. It was close......but now I'll just take another nap. Again.

More and More.....

Tuesday, January 29, 2008
More and More....
Current mood: cranky
I'm not sure what it's gonna take, but I am sure, today, I don't got it. You know regardless of what you go through, some one else, some where else, is going through something worse. I mean, really. What's the worse that could happen, you die? Who said that was a bad thing? No, I'm not talkin' suicide. I'm talkin' life. I got to thinkin' and I really have been strong, so I've been told, but I think about those women that have gone through so much more than me. I am young, yes. I have had a few scares in my life. For my own life. But, I AM ALIVE! And truthfully, I couldn't be healthier. Or happier for that matter. I have said it before and I'll say it forever, I am blessed. I am watched over and protected in many ways, but if something were to happen that I had to leave the face of the Earth, I know I would go in peace. Peace of mind that my girls are going to be taken care of. Their Daddy is here. Peace of mind that my husband will be taken care of. His girls are here. And I would be at peace knowing that I did what I am supposed to do as a mom and that is love my children. And what I am supposed to do as a wife and that is to love my husband. I know that I shared with them all that strength is in numbers. I couldn't have gotten through what I call "tough times" without their strength. I know in my heart that my girls will grow up knowing how to take care of themselves and their bodies. They will know what to look for in their lives. And they will do with strength. And each other. The more and more I think about it, the more I just know.
But today sucked and I don't feel good. It's just one of those days!!
Muah!!

Are you ready for this??

Monday, January 28, 2008
Are you ready for this???
Current mood: focused
Ok, today I have done some laundry. This weekend we hosted Kayla's birthday party. She had 5 girls sleep over. I went to church yesterday after the girls were all taken home. I can't believe I am still going. I slept good last night with the help of HALF an Ambien. I put up some decorations in the kitchen this morning and still have a few more to put up. They look good. I go to the dr on Thursday. I'll let you know.........I'm not ready for that!!

Now what?

Friday, January 25, 2008
Now what?
Current mood: moody
Ok, it's time to complain. I am so done with this. I can't sleep without being medicated. And when I am medicated I still don't sleep IN! It's only then that I feel rested. I'm starting to feel sore on my left side. Now, it could be from two things and two things only. 1 - I feel too good and am doing to much for my condition, or B - Those expanders inside are just in the way and are bruising me up inside!! I'm certain it's the latter. Ha! I feel good, but at days end I am beat. And in the mornings I'm sore.....and I'm not getting any actions either time!!!! I'm about ready to go into hiding and stay there......I suppose I could have done that already, thankfully, I have so many crazy friends that wouldn't let me do that.... they like to see my really great HAIR!!! So now what? I just have mixed emotions on how to recover. I can't do it standing still, that's for sure!! I have a lot more to go through and wish it was over.....time will not move as fast when you want it to. DANG IT!!

What a journey....

Wednesday, January 23, 2008
What a journey....
Current mood: blessed
Here I am. Resting. Still not being able to do a lot. At least no lifting, so laundry and vacuuming are out. But we all knew that. But let me just tell you ....... I have not taken a pain medicine in 5....count 'em.... 1 2 3 4 5 ...yep 5 DAYS!! AND... no sleeping aids in 3 days. I am doing good. I have yet to think I'm in the clear. I should start expansion soon, that is gonna hurt. I feel good about this whole proscess so far. I know it's been long and boring, well...up and down. But, I have been, all and all, in good spirits about it. I have to be, I have two girls that need to see the strong and healthy mom. My friends need to know that I am going to be ok. My family needs to know I can get through this. And. I have. I have two more surgeries yet to go this year so I will start all over again. But I must say emotionally I feel like I have had the best support system ever. Which is so important. That is what has gotten me through a lot of this ordeal. It's great to know that I have friends and family that have been honest in their love for me all my life because they have still been here for me when I needed them most. I love you guys. I love your compassion. You have to know that I love you.
I feel like it might be just the same info for the next week or so. Who knows. Every time I go to the dr something new comes from it, in a lot of ways.

Well for now....

Friday, January 18, 2008
Well for now.....
Current mood: fabulous
So I feel good. I feel so good that I got up this morning, got dressed in JEANS, did my hair, and PUT ON MAKE UP!! That has to be good, right?? I know it makes since to me. It felt good to put make up on!! Now, let's see if I can keep this going....... I'll let you know.
PS. No pain meds today or sleeping pills last night! I love it!! I feel great!!!!!!

Now we're talkin'!!

Thursday, January 17, 2008
Now we’re talkin’!!
Current mood: chipper
Had my dr appt this morning. Yep. Don't have to go back to him for TWO WEEKS!!!!!! WOOooo HOOOOooo!! Yes, I'm excited. Two weeks. That means he is happy with the way things are healing and I'm doing my part right!! Yes! He said that as soon as it heals completely we will start the saline injections. I talked to the nurse that will do the injections.. She gave us an estimate of 650cc would be a full "B" cup. Now that is because I have NO BREAST TISSUE!! So the implants will make up all the space. And she said on average it is 150cc's per cup size after that. So 800cc's would be a full "C" cup. That's the plan for me, a "C" cup. 800 cc's is SIXTEEN WEEKS!! That's 4 months!!!!!!!! Every week haveing saline injections of 50 cc's each week. OMG! That's almost forever....sort of. Good thing is, surgery will be in the summertime. That's a relief. I have kids to get to school and summer is just easier. Just having this information and the relief of not having to go back for two weeks, makes me feel better today.
Last night was hard. I have my bad days but this one was ....well. Not good. I couldn't stop crying and Raymond was getting frustrated with me. Not in a bad way, I just didn't want to take my meds earlier in the evening and it caught up with me. I am so afraid of using the pain meds for no reason and it's obvious that I still need it. Which just now reminded me that I need to call my dr for a refill. Different dr. I am on medicine for almost every aspect of life. Blood pressure and cholestrol meds so I don't have a heart attack or stroke. Meds so I'm not an emotional wreck or mean. That one works good. Meds for post menapause, except without hormones. For Hot flashes and night sweats, for libido, to not be in pain and to sleep. Grossly, I am even taking something for constipation! HA!! - you wanted to know that face it. I am ready to stop taking all this crap - ha- but I will be on some of this for the rest of my life. And that sucks! It's great that I have these options but, it's rediculous what I am taking. I'm tired of being tired. I do try to get up and do stuff, straightening up the parts of the house that everyone sees, but I can't lift anything, so I don't get to do much. I mean, I got out of the car today and used my elbow on my LEFT side to close the door, not thinking, and it sent pain across my chest. I shouldn't have done that cuz I am still sore and that was more than an hour ago. But I do want to let you all know that, my husband is so great, well, you knew that but, he is paying for a house cleaner!!! She came in on Tuesday and cleaned my house!! She even did my dishes! I love her!! She is so sweet and is good. She will only come every two weeks, but that is good enough for me. Anyway, no more gifts for him, I have to pay for me now. Hehe!!
Ok, I'm done rambling. But....look for me to do it again. Of course..........

For how long?

Wednesday, January 16, 2008
For how long?
Current mood: bored
Ok, I have been changing the bandages and keepin' it clean. And frankly, this sucks. I don't want to do this anymore. The problem is......I'll be doing this for a while. Months. Stupid!!
I have been moving around much better. I sure sleep a lot. I am so tired. I think its because I don't do anything but sit around. That's nice and all, but... I, it's just dumb!! I don't have any energy to do anything. Oh BTW... my cleaning lady came yesterday! Love her! My house is clean. At least the lower floor. She will do the upstairs next week. I don't care, my room was clean and she did my dishes!!! Yahoo!!! A clean house always makes me feel better.
I go to the dr tomorrow. Again. I know he's going to say, "looks great, see you in a week". That's all he says. I'll prove it. Tomorrow.

OOOooooh!! Guess what I got???

Sunday, January 13, 2008
OOOoooh!! Guess what I got???
Current mood: blissful
You guessed it.....a cherry DR PEPPER!!!!! YUM!!!

Because he loves me~~

Saturday, January 12, 2008
Because he loves me!

Current mood: adored
I have never doubted Raymond's love for me. I know he has never doubted how much I love him. I have never been a tattoo fan. I'm sorry, but it's "white trash"!! And Raymond is covered in them. He's gotten them all even while we have been together. Shows how much I really hate them right? As he is in Tennesee this weekend, he went to John to get this tattoo. Now, I will NOT allow Raymond to tattoo my name on him. He has the girls names but NOT mine. At first, I felt like this was the same difference. But after seeing this and knowing that he and John put their hearts into it, I LOVE IT!! He sent this picture to me with the words "here it is, all for you. I love you!!!" How can I not love him? He has always been my hero. He is what every husband should strive to be. He is an example for every father. I love him. For more than 15 years now, I love him. I can't say it enough. I love him.

I did it!! I did it!!

Saturday January 12, 2008
I did it! I did it!
Current mood: nervous
OMG! I finally did it. I actually did it! I packed my own wounds (as the dr would say). And he would be proud of me. I was so afraid to do anything with it and afraid it would hurt. Nope. I did it! I did it! And it didn't hurt. I called Raymond right away. I am just so excited. Now maybe it won't get infected and it will heal right. Wow what a relief. Now let's just see if I can do it again tonight! Wish me luck!!

I can't.......

Friday, January 11, 2008
I can’t....
Current mood: weird
I couldn't do it. It made my stomach turn! I pulled out the gauze that the dr put in there and it was gross! AND, it was way up in there. The problem is that I can't see it. So, I can't. The dr says it's ok to just leave it as it is for a few days and then go back in or when Raymond gets home he can fix it. This sounds weird huh? I just hope it will be ok for 3 days. It's just gross.

What the.........?

Thursday, January 10, 2008
What the......?
Current mood: nauseated
As crazy as it sounds, it is. I went to the dr today and it was another beating!! NOW, I have to put a different dressing on my right side since it is healing differently. So I asked the Dr "is is going to hurt?" And he replies "No, it's not going to hurt me at all, but thanks for asking." Can you believe that guy???!!! Of course it's not gonna hurt him!!!! Duh! Well, it didn't hurt, but it was gross. I have to put gauze INSIDE the whole to "help it heal" what ever that means. I don't get it. The problem I have is....Raymond is in Nashville and my dr friend Lance is going to Thatcher this weekend. So I have to do it myself. It made me nausish(?) watching the dr put it in there.....grossssssssssssss! I have to do this TWICE A DAY!!!!! AAAHHAHHHAAAAAAHHHH!!! That's me screaming. I'll let you know if it is really that bad. Probably not. But I can always try for MORE sympathy. J/K Not really.

Oh, not today......

Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Oh, not today.....
Current mood: uncomfortable
I just don't feel good. That new medicine makes me dizzy. My chest hurts. I have a headache cuz Raymond won't go buy me a soda. He thinks we should get healthy and stop drinking soda. He's crazy. I need my caffiene. If any one comes to visit.... BRING ME A DIET DR PEPPER PLEEEEEEAAASEEE!!!!!! With a splash of cherry ! It's really been a week for me, I just can't get comfortable. But let me just say this...I have GREAT hair!! Ah HHHAAAAAHHHAAAHHAAHHHAAA!!! < That's me laughing...get it?!

It's all in the hair........

Tuesday, January 08, 2008
It’s all in the hair.......
Current mood: fabulous
Ok, so I told my "hair girl" that I have a hard time washing my hair because I can't raise my arms for too long. Well, I can't pluck my eye brows either....no they were not that bushy but they were uneven! HA! But my girl came through for me once again! I called, well actually, I text her...and asked if she could wash my hair and wax my eye brows.....and she did it. But the funny thing is....I have to call my husband's Grandmother and tell her that I get my hair done every week too! I got set up to have my hair done every week. I really just need to have it washed really good. I can wash it, it's hard, but I can do it. But why wouldn't have her do it for me and then she will style it too. I love it!! This means so much to me. I feel so good having my hair done and my eye brows done...OMG!! You know how good you feel when your hair is done? Yep, you do. It's all in the hair.... Love you Melissa! Thank you so much! Muah!!

Well, we'll see.......

Monday, January 07, 2008
Well, we’ll see....
Current mood: bitchy
We'll see if this works. I got my new meds today and I have to start taking it tonight. HOpefully, Hopefully....it works. A lot of my discomfort is hot flashes. It's so stupid that I have to have these. Menopause bites! Oh well, nothing I can do about it now. So we will see how this interacts with my other meds. Pain meds, blood pressure meds, cholestorol meds, crazy women meds. The girls call it my "mean mom medicine". Nice huh?!! I suppose it's better than abusing them or killing Raymond! HA!

Alright already.... geezzzzzz

Saturday, January 05, 2008
Alright already...geezzzz
Current mood: hot
Man, up and down, back and forth. I'm talking about my emotions and pain. This bites!!!! I feel good, then I'm a wreck all in 30 minutes. Ya know, they told me this would happen. I should start listening to people when they say they know from experience. GEEEZZZZZ! I think I mentioned this before but I have to take meds for hot flashes and it just isn't working. Well, thank goodness, my dr. called in a new script and I start it tonight! Yahoo!! Let's pray that this works for me. I am mostly uncomfortable because of the hot flashes. It's hard to explain......anyway, let's just hope it works. I'll keep you posted. My mom, dad and sister are coming over tonight. My partents are taking the girls to the basketball game. That's what we got my parents for Christmas, as long as they took the girls!! Sneaky way to get a night without them. Boy am I ready for them to go back to school. My sister is just coming over to visit me. Love them!

HOLY CRAP!!!!

Thursday, January 03, 2008
HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!
Current mood: giddy
Ok, exaggeration, I'm sure, but OMG!! I went to the dr today and he removed the stitches. BLAHHHHHHHHHH! He dug around inside there. The crazy thing is....I couldn't even feel it!! Just pressure. Crazy!! He even lifted the skin and looked inside. I KNOW, GROSS!! He had to make sure that the expander is under the muscle. It totally creeped me out!! Now, if you can picture it, the purse string stitch is actually a whole. OMG it's gross!! LOL I can't believe it didn't hurt either. Just strange. He said that now, it will heal faster and better. After he just cut it all up!! It's hard to understand when you can't see it, I know, but I just have to put this in writing. I mean, like totally!! I think I'm just giddy because it didn't hurt!! Weird......

Oh Yeah, see......

Thursday January 3, 2008
Oh yeah, see....
Current mood: accomplished
All I needed was that special little pill. Say hello to my little friend - Ambien!!! I finally slept good too. I only had to take one pain med and one ambien and I was out like a light! Love it! Oh no. what am I going to do when I run out of that?????!!!!!!????? OOOoo no worries, I'm friends with my doctor. I have the hook up....I hope?! I was able to get up early this morning and stretch out and get the blood flowin' and then.....I went back to sleep! It was awesome. And comfortable!! Nice...I think it might be a nice day....pray for it with me would ya.......Maybe we can both have a good day!!

A long time ago......

Wednesday, January 02, 2008
A long time ago.....
Current mood: exhausted
Did someone tell you that you can get "addicted" to sleeping pills? I heard it, I just didn't believe it until now. Yesterday seems like it was a long time ago. I have been up without sleeping comfortably since .... I don't know. I am ut of ambien and advil pm. I have gone crazy in one day!!! My prescription is waiting at the pharmacy. No worries, Raymond WILL pick it up today. They were closed yesterday. I will not have another sleepless night!! I cannot do that again. I don't care if I get "addicted" or it becomes "habit forming". I have to sleep....comfortably. I am a side sleeper and I can't do that. So getting comfortable is hard to do. I will say, I am not as sore today since I moved around ALL DANG NIGHT!! I would rather sleep though. I'm exhausted and I haven't even done anything......at all. I'm here on the computer!!! I just hope for a better night sleep. It makes a difference in my next day. Don't you think?

Had a bad day??

Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Had a bad day??
Current mood: annoyed
They told me that I would have bad days. Hopefully they will be this good. I have to take so many medications, it bothers me. And last night, I let loose. I cried for silly reasons. I can't do any thing. I can't pick up things. It hurts to lean over. So, needless to say, my house is a disaster. The girls can only do so much and Raymond is busy in his own job. I can't handle it. I can't have guests cuz it's embarrassing for them to see my house. Even though I know they know I can't do anything but my husband and kids can. It drives me crazy that I get all worked up over it. I'm just gonna hire someone to come in every other week to clean my house. Anyone interested??? You just can't say anything when you see it!!! Oh, I'll get over it soon..........