Why Her?

As sad as it is, a celebrity annouced her battle with breast cancer. They - being the media - made this story and this anouncement a big deal because it is a celebrity. Not that it is not a big deal that anyone is diagnosed with breast cancer. But why do they announce it like it's much more sad that a celebrity gets diagnosed than an "average" soccer mom, or grandmother with 50 grandchildren?? Is it because they are willing to be an advocate for a cure? Is it because they can convince people to get in a get a mammogram? Is it because this celebrity has a story that everyone can relate to?? Well, SO DO I!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am willing to be an advocate...oh wait...I am. I am an ambassador for the Arizona Breast Cancer 3 Day. But you know what? The local (Arizona) media isn't interested cuz I'm not an illegal immagrant, my house isn't in foreclosure, and my story doesn't have anything negative.

I can convince women to get a mammogram at any age!! In fact I have! Many of my friends and family have done just that, gotten a mammogram. Thank goodness.

I have a story that is worth listening to. I was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 32. I have two young daughters that have to be aware of their chances at an even younger age than I was when I was aware. 21.

Why didn't they announce to the world that I had been diagnosed with breast cancer? Why didn't they make it a big deal and swarm my house with cameras and reporters? Why don't they do that for every women that is diagnosed with breast cancer?

I do realize that if they didn't announce that anyone had breast cancer no one would know anything about breast cancer.

I do want to know everything we - the world - will get out of knowing that that celebrity has breast cancer. She may be an advocate for breast cancer awareness, but I never knew that. Maybe just those in California's Hollywood scene new that. Why didn't they announce that to the world? They announced that she has breast cancer!!

Just wondering - why her?

Give it time to heal...who said that?

Saturday, July 19, 2008
Give it time to heal...who said that?
Current mood: blah
Right.....
I am a mother of two young daughters...thankfully can do things on their own, except drive. Legally.....
I have a husband who is always on the go......somewhere....
I have two beagles that beg for attention...constantly...
I have commitments to school and church....faithfully.....
I have tried to be a listening ear... a shoulder to cry on.....a hand to hold....
Oh wait, hold on....I have a text message......see, I'm busy!
Who said I had to give it time to heal? I don't have that kind of time. You know, I have had 4 surgeries in the last year. My dr said I have been exposed to too much anesthesia. That's why I can't sleep, with out helusinations. I'm cranky, ha, well, ..... I'm tired. I'm bored. I can't do anything. I can't even swim. It's hot here. Raise your hand if you are sure that Arizona is hell on earth in the summer??!! Anyone, oh good, everyone.
I was able to take the bandages off on Sunday (last) and they look good. A little too small. You know I have the largest size implant made that is approved by the FDA. 800cc. In a women with breast tissue that would be like larger than Dolly Parton. Not kidding. I have no breast tissue. I am not even a full b cup. So discouraging. I just am a big girl that has small boobs. Now, I have NEVER had small boobs, so forgive me for complaining about it. They are soft as pillows though. Nice.... And they move. I have to massage them around so that they "settle properly". Right. Nope, that's my job. Raymond CANNOT TOUCH THEM. Just cuz I said. They are BERY BERY tender.
So in about 3 months I will be able to start the reconstruction of the nipple. Problem is, in 3 months it's just before the 3 Day and I have commited to that. So it will probably be the week before Thanksgiving that I get my "nips" back. hehe...
THEN.....they tattoo. I don't know how long after that, but they tattoo. Yep. Long haul. I'm not alone, I know. I have been supported by TONS and TONS of hearts!!
I have about 40 lbs to lose. All that I have gained back since my surgery in Dec. Sucks, I really haven't been able to physically do anything. Walking. But it's toooooooooo hot.
So, starting tomorrow, oh who am I kidding....??...... I don't have the energy to start anything, not even the day.
Oh, I guess I will just give it time to heal.......... &$&( *
Right......

Just not the same....thank goodness

Sunday, July 13, 2008
Just not the same....thank goodness
Current mood: excited
Surgery went well, I guess. I don't remember. Ha. BUT I do know that I went in with rocks and came out with pillows!! They move, they don't hurt, of course I'm still on meds, but....the pain is from surgery not just cuz... I get to take the bandages off today and then can't wear a bra for 30 DAYS!! Weird. It's cool though, I won't be going anywhere that I would need a bra on anyway, hahahahaha!!
Just short and sweet today. I am still a little tired. Don't get the best sleep yet. I'll keep ya posted!! Kisses

So, funny story...

Thursday, July 10, 2008
So, funny story...
Current mood: strong
Or maybe it's not so funny....at least it wasn't in the beginning.... it can be laughed at now. Or made fun of, or joked about. But you know, I'm one of the fortunate ones that has that opportunity. Every once in a while, I will run into a friend that I haven't seen or heard from in a long time and I have to relive my story because they hadn't heard about my diagnoses or they hadn't heard it from me. It's harder than it sounds, to just be able to talk to people about what has happened in your life, when it comes to a life changing and life altering situations. I honestly have to say I have benefitted from telling my "story" every time I tell it. I think about friends of mine that have gone through different treatments and followed different advice, but it all comes back to this: I have cried my eyes out, I have poured my heart out, I have prayed my voice out, I have screamed my head off, I have slept my days away, I have stayed awake all night, I have even zoned out, all for what has happened to me in the last couple years of my life, and all that has happened in one day. But what I know, if anything at all is that I have learned to cry for the right reasons, I have learned to share my love for others, I have learned I can pray for anything, I have learned that dreaming is refreshing, I have learned that I don't want to miss a thing, and I have learned to focus and all the little things. I have learned all of this because I have shared my "story". Now, I want to share my story to help others learn. It's amazing how miracles can come from sheer devastation. I have surgery on Friday, July 11. The expanders will be coming out and I will FINALLY get the implants. I am so uncomfortable. I will have some surgery pain and then, and then, yep.............and then I will be as "normal" as the rest of them. Who, you ask? As "normal" as who? Well, me. Me.

An update...finally...I know....

Monday, June 16, 2008
An update...finally...I know....
Current mood: giddy
It's been a LONG time since I last updated my blog. Sad but true. I have been getting my injections on schedule every Weds morning at 830am. I hate them. Well, I HATED them!! Yes that means that I have had my LAST injection and there are no more! Whoo Hoo. Unless you are having this same treatment, you don't know the pain. And, if you haven't had a previous breast reduction with scar tissue across your chest, you don't even know that pain. The scar tissue tears every time I have injections. All that on top of having the muscle and skin stretched to the limit once a week. MAN, does that hurt!! My last injection was Thursday and I still hurt. Sleeping is the worst. I find a comfortable spot, hope that it will work, get this close to falling asleep and BAM!! One little twitch and the comfort spot is long gone. I can't lay on my side, it's like the rocks won't move. No budging!! If I do end up falling alseep, once I wake up it hurts to move. It's like the pain starts all over. Every morning it's that way. I even prop myself up with pillows - until it's uncomfortable - which isn't for long. BUT....I only have to go through this for a few more weeks and then...YES.. i have never been more excited for surgery. I was excited for my breast reduction. But NOW....I'm excite for my breast augementation! HA! If you gotta look at it in a positive way...my insurance paid for them both!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wanted the reduction. I never wanted an augementation. And I sure as hell didn't want it this way. But, OOOOOHHHHhhhh, Raymond is excited. I'm not sure what for......there not his.
ANYWAY!! Surgery is July 11. And I should only be down for 4 weeks. Or less. Let's pray for less. I have had enough of this!! Nipple reconstruction can't be done for at least 3 MONTHS after this surgery. So, that will probably not be until after the first of the year. I've had surgery before the holidays and it was awful. Not gonna do that again unless it's an emergency!!!
So we will get through my birthday and Karley's birthday. 4th of July. We have planned our summer vacation to Disneyland for next week. AND then I will have surgery. You have to understand how mixed my emotions are. I want it done. But it's surgery. Even though I have had enough surgeries in my life, I don't want to do it again, just cuz. Hopefully this discomfort will subside enough to get through until surgery and then hopefully that pain will be short term. Ha, wishful thinkin'!!
So here's to the final stages! Second to last stage anyway. Thank God!!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Finally some action.....sorta
Current mood: weird
Last week was my 12th week of injections. I know, looking back at it, is seems like it went fast, but it hasn't....trust me....
Anyway, so now I have my 650 shot on Thursday. Which at the same time I will finally see the Dr after all this time. Anyway, Veronica says I have met my first goal of 650cc's. So I will have a better idea on when I will have surgery again. I will have the expanders removed and "REAL" implants put in. Then after that I have reconstuctive surgery. I just don't know when all this will happen. I just have to prepare myself for good or bad news. I don't know what will happen, I just know that I am so sore and have at least 4 more treatments left. HOLY!! I'll report back on that too.....

RE: I know.....

Monday, April 28, 2008
RE: I know.....
Current mood: content
I agree in some ways with Liz, if they don't know what has been happening in your or my life, the idea of saying something "off the wall" is forgivable. Now for those that see you on a daily bases. Those that know you well, (so you think). Those that you trust your kids with. My husband with the wife, or vice versa. There is a certain "shame" that they should live with. I have never been more offended by remarks that have no meaning other than to be misleading. Without going into details of what actually was said, I have more remorse for women (and men) that cannot afford services from doctors and clinics because of financial situations. Now, I am a fortunate soul that has the insurance and funding that can be used and has been used to pay for certain services that I need for my disease. But, I also know people who have "had" to be the beneficiary of organizations that collect monies to help these people in need. I have DONATED to these organizations, even prior to having this certain disease. But some people do not see both sides of every story. Even after they have read the ENTIRE book. What's worse is when they turn it into a sob story about why they don't get the same treatment for "NOT" being diagnosed. Liz, I do agree with what you are saying. Sometimes people just don't want to understand. If it is not a part of their lives or families lives, they do not (in so many words) care. Only because they haven't had too. I'm sure people go home at night and wish they hadn't done something, but..... doing it and wishing they hadn't is different from doing it and apologizing for it. I know. Been there, done that.